Andrea Meibos
Rel 234
Dr. Holman
May 13, 1999
Preparation for Marriage amidst Single Life
Being in a single’s ward, marriage, family and singleness are heavy issues I think we all deal with. Sometimes it’s tempting to pretend we’re glad we’re not married, and to joke about feeling sorry for those poor saps who are surrendering to the old ball and chain of marriage. In all seriousness, however, as the Proclamation on the Family states, "families are central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children" (Gordon B. Hinckley, General Relief Society Meeting, September 1995). Especially in more recent years, the First Presidency have stressed the importance of the family to solving the world’s problems, and to our own personal salvation. I will discuss today why the family is so important, who we ought to marry, and what we can do now to make sure we are progressing in the right direction to have a family.
Henry B. Eyring of the Quorum of the 12 stated just last year that "The family unit is fundamental not only to society and to the church, but to our hope for eternal life" ("The Family," Ensign, February 1998, 10-18). This is not a new concept, however. The gospel has always centered around families. In Old Testament times, God commanded Adam and Eve to "multiply and replenish the earth" (Genesis 1:28), and basic laws of sexual morality were set forth in the Mosaic law. In the New Testament, Paul gave advice to husbands and wives to love and respect each other, and Christ himself taught that eternal marriage is ordained of God. In the Book of Mormon, Jacob chastised the Nephite men for the poor treatment of their wives and children. They were commanded, "shake yourselves that ye may awake from the slumber of death; and loose yourselves from the pains of hell that ye may not become angels to the devil . . ." (Jacob 3:11). Jacob’s strong chastisement emphasizes the importance of loving, healthy family relations. In the Doctrine and Covenants, Joseph Smith Senior was told to spend more time with his family, and commandments regarding the new and everlasting covenant of marriage were introduced. Current prophets are stressing more and more the importance of building family relationships, teaching correct principles in the home, and protecting the sanctity of live and life-giving powers.
Satan knows that the family is where righteousness is taught, and is the vehicle whereby we eternally progress, and is thus attacking at its very foundations. He attempts to introduce societal acceptance of such sins as homosexuality, abortion, and sex outside of marriage. While in each of these cases we must love the sinner and condemn the sin, we cannot afford to let Satan worm into our lives through the acceptance of these grevious sins against sacred life-giving powers. Instead, we must let the gospel be our rock and shelter amidst the storm of wickedness Satan is attempting to unleash. We must, as the Proclamation on the Family admonishes, "promote these measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society" (Gordon B. Hinckley, General Relief Society Meeting, September 1995).
Not only are we commanded to marry and have children, but to receive the fullness of blessings in eternal life, we must marry in the temple, entering into the new and everlasting covenant of marriage. There are several differences between a civil marriage and a temple sealing, the most obvious of which is that a civil marriage lasts only in this life, whereas temple sealing is eternal. Other benefits of a temple marriage include the knowledge that both partners have similar commitments to follow Christ and similar goals for eternal progression and righteousness. Because marriage and especially temple marriage are so important, it is vital to our eternal salvation that we date properly to select an eternal companion.
Divorce is one of the most prevalent ills of our society. Incompatibility is often cited as the cause of divorce, but according to President Kimball, "Every divorce is the result of selfishness on the part of one or the other or both parties" (BYU Devotional, September 1976). If we strive to be righteous, we have no reason to fear divorce or use it as an excuse to delay marriage until we find that perfect spouse. President Kimball also stated that "almost any good man and any good woman can have happiness and a successful marriage if both are willing to pay the price" (BYU Devotional).
Our goal, then, should be not to find someone who is our "soulmate" or perfect match. The most important thing about marriage is that it is the single most important act we will ever do, if we "marry the right person, in the right place, by the right authority" (Conference Report, Ensign, October 1955, 13). Who is the right person? Elder Bruce R. McConkie states that it is "someone for whom the natural and wholesome and normal affection that should exist does exist" (Conference Report, 13). We cannot simply wait for the Lord to drop the one perfect mate for us in our laps. True, we can and ought to pray for help and guidance, but just as with any prayer, not only must we ask the Lord for help, but we must also do all we can to help solve our problem. In this case, doing all we can means preparation for marriage, the proper attitude towards dating and marriage, and having proper priorities in life. We need not fear marriage and its responsibilities, especially financial responsibilities, for as President Benson promised, "if you will be industrious, faithfully pay your tithes and offerings, and conscientiously keep the commandments, the Lord will sustain you" ("To the Single Adult Brethren of the Church", Priesthood Session of General Conference, April 1988).
A dating or single life talk would not be complete without mention of sexual morality. We all know that we must not have sexual relations outside of marriage. But the reason for this commandment is more than a simple whim of God or the prophets or the bishop. The reason is even more than the loss of temple worthiness. Our goal in this life is to become like our Heavenly Father. We know that only then will we have true joy. God is obviously the quintessence of virtue. Thus, to have true joy, we need to be morally pure. In addition, as Elder Dallin H. Oaks informs us, "the emphasis we place on the law of chastity is explained by our understanding of the purpose of our procreative powers in the accomplishment of God’s plan" (Ensign, November 1993, 74).
How, then, does sexual sin hinder God’s plan? Sexual sin is second only to murder because both sins deal with the abuse of life; it is the "wrongful tampering with the sacred fountains of life-giving power" (Bruce C. Hafen, "The Gospel and Romantic Love", BYU Devotional, September 1982). Our bodies are a gift from Heavenly Father, and as such, they ought to be used in the manner he deems appropriate. Using this special, sacred gift solely for physical enjoyment is contrary to His plan and defeats the purpose of having a soul. Within the bonds of marriage, sex is not only the mechanism whereby spirit children can come to earth, but it draws the husband and wife closer together.
It’s one thing to know what not to do; but what about what we should do? Church leaders have counseled us in this area as well. Just as a marriage cannot grow or even stay alive without being fed by love, we must feed our relationships with others and allow them to grow to become more than friendship. We cannot place the whole burden on the Lord; we must do our part as well.
Bruce C. Hafen, in a BYU Devotional, suggested eight things single adults ought to be doing now to be prepared for temple marriage. These include "have[ing] the same reverence for it [the human body] that you would have for any temple that seeks to be the dwelling place for the Spirit of the Lord", being emotionally honest, building friendships as the basis of any romantic relationship, and developing self-discipline. He also admonishes us to avoid feeling sorry for ourselves – "Everybody in the world doesn’t have to marry you—it only takes one" ("The Gospel and Romantic Love", BYU Devotional, September 1982). President Hinckley taught, "Do not give up hope. And do not give up trying. But do give up being obsessed with it [marriage]" ("Women of the Church, 166th Semiannual General Conference, October 1996).
However, should the opportunity not come to us in this life to be married, all is not lost. God has promised us through President Benson, "All of the blessings of our Father in Heaven will be yours if you continue faithful, and if you serve Him and His children with all your heart, might, mind, and strength" ("To the Single Adult Sisters of the Church", Women’s Meeting, September 1988). Just as in other aspects of our life, we should pray to God for help with the things we have no control over, and then do our best to control righteously the things we can.
As men and women, there are specific duties we need to prepare for. In the Proclamation on the Family, we read that men are to "preside over families in love and righteousness . . . provide the necessities of life and the protection of their families" (Gordon B. Hinckley, General Relief Society Meeting, September 1995). Thus men should gain the training and education necessary to fulfill these responsibilities when they do have a family of their own.
Women have the responsibility of raising and nurturing children. They are encouraged, along with men, by President Hinckley to "Get all the education you can. . . .Education is the key to opportunity. . . . You will bless the lives of your children. You will bless the Church because you will reflect honor to this work" (Copenhagen Denmark Fireside, June 1996). Knowledge is central to eternal progression and is necessary to be able to teach others. In addition, women should be able to provide for themselves should the opportunity to marry not arise. However, as President Hinckley has admonished us, we women must never lose sight of the fact that "the greatest job that any woman will ever do will be in nurturing and teaching and living and encouraging and rearing her children in righteousness and truth" (Heber City/Springville Utah Regional Conference, May 14, 1995).
Families are one of the most important elements of eternal progression and our experience here on this earth, as the prophets have always taught. Temple marriage is the first step in creating that eternal family. In order to have a successful temple marriage, we must prepare now by living the gospel, developing meaningful friendships, and drawing nearer to the Savior. We must press on and endure, striving towards the goal of temple marriage. I know that with the Lord’s help, if we endure to the end, we will be able to receive the fullness of blessings he has promised us. I pray that having an eternal family will be a goal of all of us, and that we will have the strength to live as we ought now so that we might someday reach that goal, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.