"We learn from history that we learn nothing from history."
-George Bernard Shaw
Late at night, in the hangar, the Tachikoma gathered. All the employees had gone home, except for Ishikawa, who was upstairs trying to salvage parts from the half-burnt terminals to connect to the Historical Immersion System.
"Hey, hey, did you hear about the new system Togusa brought in?!" One Tachikoma waved its arms excitedly, and the rest gathered around.
"Yeah! I heard it was a project to experience history, and a bunch of people are stuck inside it!"
"How could they be stuck? The box isn't very big . . . "
"No, it's like they can't log out!"
"Maybe they just don't want to log out...like that cyberbrain the Major found that had the movie in it." The Tachikoma paused for a moment to think about that, collectively remembering their adventure where they found the movie director's cyberbrain. Then, one spoke up.
"Is history really that interesting?"
"Well, humans can't just sync memories like we can, so I guess it's kind of necessary."
"Hey, what kind of history simulation is it running, anyway?"
"Let's see . . . from Togusa's report, looks like it's Osaka Castle in 1614."
"Is that something exciting?"
"Hmmm . . . well, from the Department of Internal Affairs history database, we can see that . . ." The Tachikoma's eye rotated and twisted as it accessed the public database, processing information, and the others waited.
"See what?!"
"Oh, I see. That's pretty interesting . . . "
"What's so interesting? Let me sync that!"
"No, no, I want to tell you the story!"
"But that's so slow! And it won't be the same!"
"And you'll probably tell it all wrong!"
"It's what humans have to do, so let's try it." With an authoritative wave of a claw, the Tachikoma gestured stubbornly.
"Okay, fine! Just tell us!"
"Should we eat popcorn while you tell us? I heard humans do that, too."
"Shhhh!"
"All right . . . our story begins long ago, with a divided Japan . . . One shogun who was successful at uniting Japan under one government was Nobunaga. After he died, one of his officials named Hideyoshi took power." The Tachikoma jumped on a crate, and the others scooted closer with interest. "When Hideyoshi died, he passed the kingdom on to his young son Hideyori, with regents appointed to rule until the son came of age."
"Oh, yeah, humans like giving stuff to their offspring."
"Do you think we'd feel the same way, if we had offspring?"
"How's that going to happen; isn't that a biological process?"
"Well, if we can develop personalities, maybe we could also develop biologically . . . ?"
"Maybe if we created an AI . . . "
"Just listen to the story!"
"Okay, okay."
"Anyway, the regents wanted the power for themselves, and eventually a man named Tokugawa became the most powerful. When Hideyori was about to come of age, Tokugawa attacked Osaka castle where he lived to ensure he could not challenge his claim for rulership over Japan."
"Attacked him? Is Tokugawa a bad guy?"
"If he attacked him with forethought, that'd be first-degree murder, right?"
"No, he sent an army, so it's considered a war. Things are different in wars." They thought about that for a moment, applying the seemingly conflicting data to their own experiences.
"Oh, like when we go attack terrorists, that must be like a war, and not murder, huh. Does that make us soldiers?"
"We'll have to think about that later! Right now I want to know what happens to the hero! Hideyori is the hero, right? Most stories have a hero."
The storyteller shook its head, body twisting emphatically, and announced, "If Hideyori's the hero, then this story is a tragedy . . . "
"Why, what happened?!"
"Is there a pair of tragic lovers, like Romeo and Juliet?"
"Maybe everyone dies in the end!"
"It was 600 years ago, they're all dead by now!"
"But what really happened?"
"You'd know if you would stop interrupting! Sheesh . . . so, as I was saying, Tokugawa's armies attacked Hideyori's castle, but they managed to hold off the attacking armies, in part because of the tremendous fortifications of the castle." The Tachikoma paused, surveying its audience. "It wasn't until Tokugawa's men secretly filled in the moats of the castle that they were able to overcome its defenses. Then Hideyori and his mother committed suicide, and Tokugawa's rule over Japan was unchallenged. The end." The Tachikoma were silent.
". . . "
"They should have dug better moats, I guess."
"That's a dumb story! The bad guy won!"
"I don't like history," one said, turning around and starting to walk away.
"It's not a story! That's what happened! And Tokugawa's victory led to a united, peaceful Japan for the next 250 years, so it's not really fair to call him 'the bad guy'."
"Well if he's not the bad guy, then who is?"
"Does every story have to have a bad guy?"
"Maybe Hideyori's the bad guy, and Tokugawa had a good reason for attacking him."
"Hmmm, I don't know . . . maybe we should ask someone." Just then, Ishikawa entered the room and looked around, a little blearily.
"What are you guys up to so late at night?," he asked.
"Ishikawa-kun!! We have a question!"
"A question, huh. All right, I guess if I came all the way down here, I can humor you guys."
"Okay, here's our question: who's the bad guy, Tokugawa or Hideyori?"
"Hmmm? You mean, those guys during the 16th century Reunification? Tokugawa Ieyasu, and Toyotomi Hideyoshi's son?"
"Yeah, those guys! We read the story, but we don't understand it."
"Well, there's an old saying that goes, 'Nobunaga piled the rice, Hideyoshi kneaded the dough, and Tokugawa ate the cake.'"
"Huh?! What's that mean?"
"Was the cake tasty?"
"But who harvested the rice?"
"What about Hideyori?"
Ishikawa laughed, enjoying their confusion just a little bit, and turned to leave. "Sorry, explanations aren't my specialty, and I have to get back to work. Try not to be so noisy, okay? I thought maybe there was a problem down here or something."
"Yes, sir!" The elevator doors closed behind him, and the Tachikoma stood in the silence of processing for a few minutes.
"So . . . I still don't understand it."
"Maybe it means that even warring generals can be good cooks."
"Maybe it means that, instead of fighting, people should just eat cake together."
"Maybe it means that they all played important roles in the peace and unification of Japan, so we can forgive some of their faults and just enjoy the results."
"..."
"..."
"..." One Tachikoma twirled an eye turret nesciently.
"Maybe we need more data. I think I'll go research rice cakes."
"I wanna read Romeo and Juliet again."
"I wonder if there's a schematic of the moats in the database . . . "
"Can I sync the history from you now? Maybe it will make more sense that way."
"Oh . . . sure."
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Author's Notes: I kind of miss the Tachikomatic Days from the first season -- this was a little longer, but hopefully in the same vein.